How to Influence Your Boss, Peers, and Direct Reports

At times when we’re feeling unheard, passionate, or frustrated with a lack of progress on an issue, it’s easy to turn to statements that sound more like directing versus inviting conversation.

Although our intentions might be good, we can come off as telling someone what to do in tone, words, or both. On the receiving end, this experience can naturally trigger resistance and subtle resentment, which can create an undercurrent of issues that slowly erode trust, collaboration, and influential ability.

Here are some language options to ensure your tone and words improve your ability to influence.

When frustrated or trying to influence, notice when you resort to directive statements, like:

• “We need to…”
• “You have to…”
• “We should be…”

The appeal to using statements like this might happen more often than you think! When our intentions are good, it’s natural to lose perspective that what feels like a positive statement may land negatively.

Instead, turn advocating statements into curious, open-ended questions, questions that seek to understand instead of being understood, or questions to invite a conversation:

• What do you think of prioritizing [this]?
• I see doing [this] as important – could I share with you some of the reasons why?
• What do you think of [this] approach?
• What benefits could you see about doing [this]?
• We’re still not seeing [this] result. Would you be open to talking about how we could improve this?
• Regarding [this], how satisfied are you with the result we’re getting?
• I see achieving [this] as essential to our success – what do you think?
• I’m curious, what have you tried so far to progress toward [this] goal? What’s worked well and what hasn’t?
• Given that we haven’t been on the same page about [this], what else do you think would be helpful for me to know about what’s important to you about this?

Unlike much of our content designed to empower leaders to inspire and influence employees, these language shifts are effective and appropriate for communicating with anyone at any level, including your direct reports, peers, and leaders.

Enjoy how this altered approach helps you get better results! Feel free to share with anyone looking to upgrade their influence at work.

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